My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
