Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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