im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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