Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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