her vagine was all disorganized.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
