we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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