I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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