Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize