If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
