I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
