I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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