He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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