I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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