im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
