***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
