Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(347): View more from New York

i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours

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(914): View more from New York

you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back

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(256): View more from Alabama

Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(410): View more from Maryland

I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.

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(810): View more from Michigan

I wanna throw up and cum in that order

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(805): View more from California

You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way

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(714): View more from California

And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!

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(941): View more from Florida

His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.

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