mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
