I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
