Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
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More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
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you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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