Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force