i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.