an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.