i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
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Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.