i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
