He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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