he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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