I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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