he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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