It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
