She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
