You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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