But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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