i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
