If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
