He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
