I like my sex mixed with concussions.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
