if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
