I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
