so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
