I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
