i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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