Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
