He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We smell like vodka and hangover
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