can we get nightvision for the apartment?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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