yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
