im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
