So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
