I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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