just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
