I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
