you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
