I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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