how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
