so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
