You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
