Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
