I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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