wanna go halves on a baby?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
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No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Damn victory sex feels great
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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