I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
