No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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