did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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