I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
