Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
