And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
