i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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