She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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