I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
