ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
