If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
