I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
