I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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