hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
