I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
