Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
