wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
