We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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