I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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