I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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