There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
