Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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