I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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