The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
