guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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