So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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