i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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