he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
