Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
