I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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