Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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