I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
