Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
