In the future we'll all be gay
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
