there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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