lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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